


Eldritch Naps and Heart Attacks

by themarginalartist



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life, Half-Life but the AI is Self Aware
Genre: Fluff, HLVRAI, Half-Life VR but the AI is Self Aware - Freeform, Sleepy bois, Tiny/Big, a little of that?, eldritch being, it possessed me bros, just fucking all the fluff, not a game au thingy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:41:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26182078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themarginalartist/pseuds/themarginalartist
Summary: Gordon finally wakes up after everything that happened at Black Mesa thinking he’d seen the last of Benrey. Turns out he’s very not done with him. It’s a big problem. Literally.A one-shot that got... Big (badumtsk)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 186





	1. Chapter 1

Gordon had slept like the dead after he’d crawled back into his apartment after the whole Black Mesa Resonance Cascade and birthday party. Apparently dead enough that he’d worried the science team who managed to track his ass down and were staying with him for whatever reason. He could barely recall the original reasoning behind his new house guests because he’d been mostly asleep and thought he was dreaming when they stormed into his bedroom. 

“Good morning mister Freeman!” He saw Tommy smile sunnily at him from the doorway when Gordon cracked an eye open at the slight squeak of the hinges from his door. Tommy turns away, as if he didn’t expect Gordon to stay awake, but Gordon’s brain was finally rebooting and he was hungry and still sore in places but he wanted to get up now. 

“Morning Tommy...” He grunts, slowly pushing himself up. Tommy was suddenly at his side, a hand on his back not really listening to Tommy who’d started to ramble next to him and god it feels good to not be in the HEV suit. When did he get out of that god awful tin can?

Suddenly he was surrounded by Coomer, Bubby, and Tommy who’d moved from a hand on his back to a full on hug. “Uh... Hey?” Was all that he could rasp out. Why was his throat so dry? In immediate response Coomer held a soda can up to him, already open. 

“You’ve been in and out of sleep for three weeks! What the fuck Gordon.” Bubby snaps while he sips at the soda. 

“What?”

“You had quite the traumatic experience! It’s perfectly normal considering the amount of danger we were in.” Coomer smiles. “We wanted to make sure you were alright.” 

“Oh... Thanks.” He hums after finishing the soda, Bubby taking the can with a roll of his eyes and disposing of it. 

“Now we just need Benrey to wake up!” Tommy grins happily as if that statement didn’t immediately break Gordon’s brain. Gears broken, falling out and everything. 

“Wh-“

“Ah yes! I’m glad Black Mesa understood our concern for our friend and gave him a good roof over his head!” Coomer nods sagely. 

“Since Gordon’s awake let’s go.” Bubby huffs. 

“Wait, wait, wait.” Gordon finally interrupts, “ _ What? _ I- I thought Benrey died? We we’re done with all that Xen nonsense? No more pestering about passports?” 

“The blissful silence from you not yapping your dumb mouth will be severely missed.” Bubby snipes. 

“Mister Freeman, B-Benrey is not human remember?” Tommy tilts his head against Gordon’s chest. How is it a man so tall with an instinctual trigger finger could look like a tiny puppy in his lap? Gordon hugged him a little closer unconsciously, getting a slightly tighter hug in return. Fuck hugs are nice. 

“Indeed Gordon! Benrey made it out of Xen as well as us. Though it was a week after we left! And the same week we realized you were terrible at responding to messages. Though that turned out to be your little stress coma.” Coomer chuckles lightly. 

“But why do  _ we _ ,” Gordon gestures to the group and himself, “Need to see him?”

“He’s our friend mister Freeman! And he’s not woken up yet, but maybe if he hears all of us he’ll get better!” Tommy smiles warmly. A soft boof from the door is all the warning he gets before Sunkist interrupts them and climbs up on Tommy. 

“I- guys you remember he tried to kill us?” Gordon looks at them incredulously. 

“Benrey didn’t want to mister Freeman! I’m sure he’ll apologize.” Tommy says softly. 

“I- ugh... Fine... But let me eat and shower and stuff cause I’m starving and feel gross.” Gordon grumbles, not looking forward to seeing Benrey in the slightest. Why was he even going along with this? Oh, Sunkist’s fur is amazingly soft... 

Gordon barely heard the agreement of the others as he focused on holding and petting Sunkist. 

XXXXXXXXX

Gordon hadn’t known about the new facility the arrived at. So it was no surprise when Tommy’s dad greeted them at the entrance and then forced a NDA into Gordon’s hands to sign. 

Hands. Gordon may have let some happy tears out when he saw he indeed had both hands that morning. More than one. 

Okay, he had bawled like a baby to be honest. Coomer also gives really good hugs? Like... Low key a good strong dad/grandpa hug that makes you feel much smaller even though he’s got half a head on Coomer height wise. 

There’s a scar of course, faint but the paler ring of skin does serve as a reminder and sometimes his fingers feel a little numb if he doesn’t move them. But hey! Hand is better than no hand. 

Oh right he’s supposed to sign the papers. 

Once that was taken care of and some... Vaguely threatening remarks on what would happen if any word got out had been said they were able to continue. The facility was huge to put it lightly, not as sprawlingly huge as the campus of Black Mesa, but huge ceilings, at least four stories high, so high that lights had to be put in on the walls as well to effectively light the halls, towered over them. It almost felt like being in a dollhouse. 

An uneasy feeling settles into his gut at that thought. The last time he’d felt like that they’d been on Xen. Facing off against creatures and Benrey...

If it had been under any other circumstance and there were no monsters that could easily eat him in a single bite, and no Benrey, Gordon would have wanted to explore every nook and cranny of Xen. A fucking alien dimension! Sci-fi at it’s best! But no. Now it lingered as a nasty thought. 

He finally focused on the present when Bubby waved a hand in front of his face. “Fuck, Gordon! You started looking like a zombie and we don’t need a zombie apocalypse after the last fiasco you started.” 

“Fuck you, that was so not my fault.” Gordon immediately scowls. 

“Good. He’s here.” Bubby rolls his eyes behind his thick glasses, tone not as snappish as Gordon knew he normally had. Was Bubby worried? About him? What? Probably not.

“Mister Freeman... I expect that you are... Still getting used to. The end. Of your time of the incident. But please. Do not as the youths say. Go ape shit. On seeing our guest.” Mr. Coolatta says. 

“I won’t. I don’t honestly know what to expect.” Gordon crosses his arms. 

“Five dollars, Harold. Told you he wasn’t paying attention.” Bubby stage whispers, not quietly at all. Coomer simply hands him the bill. 

“We were talking a- about Benrey but uh- you uh spaced out...” Tommy rubs the back of his head. 

“Sometimes it is. Better to be. Surprised...” Mr. Coolatta gives the barest of grins before gesturing to the group to enter the door that had opened to a small hallway, another door beyond it, heavy metal that made no effort to hide the mechanics that would keep it locked in place come hell or high water. 

Not unlike when they got to the large doors that separated them from Sunkist when she was dognapped by Forzen. 

What happened to Forzen? Or Darnold?

He’d got lost in thought again before realizing they were in a new room, dimly lit, voices filtering to him. Oh Darnold and Forzen were here? Weird. Especially Forzen given he’s a boot boy and an asshole?

“Oh hello! It’s good to see you again mister Freeman!” Darnold smiles warmly. 

“Oh sup,” Forzen greets as well, “Vive la révolution.” He raises a fist up for a moment before turning back to stare at something. 

“It’s good to see you too Darnold, and um Forzen?” Gordon feels very lost. “I- I thought we were here to see the alien eldritch horror I’d rather not see again?” Gordon grumbles. 

“We are! And he’s here!” Coomer smiles, not explaining anything. 

And then Gordon realizes, the thing that Forzen’s looking at, the alien eldritch horror he really didn’t want to see again and is immediately regretting having woken up this morning to get to this point, is indeed in front of them. 

_ He’s fucking massive what the fuck! _

“Size isn’t everything Gordon!” Coomer pats his arm, oh shit he said that out loud, he searched Benrey for any sign of movement and let a breath he realized he had been holding for too long out finally, once he verified nothing changed. 

“What? No I meant he’s like big! Really big! Like back on Xen big!” Gordon gestures with his hands, keeping his voice low. 

Benrey was laying down, a humongous hand close to them and Gordon realized his extremely slow, slower than any human or animal he knows of, steady breaths were what was pushing his hair around occasionally, not some weird ventilation. There were dark circles under his eyes, or at least the two main ones, there was an additional one on the left and three on the right surrounding them. 

“Benrey’s been that way since Xen!” Tommy has no concerns about his volume which is putting Gordon on edge slightly, fingers of his replaced hand drumming on his leg. “He’s actually shrunk a few feet since we got him here.” 

“Wh- what? Why? I’m just- We fought him and now what? We’re watching him take a  _ nap _ ?” Gordon blinks in disbelief. 

“The fight took a lot out of all of us.” Coomer says, “And we’re a team! We don’t leave people behind! But we are incredibly lucky Benrey ended up in this room instead of somewhere like your apartment!”

Gordon blanches at the thought of Benrey suddenly blinking into existence and crushing his apartment complex with him inside. 

“Ugh he’s being a baby about this.” Bubby frowns. 

“I- okay- what I’m- fuck man this is- I just-“ Gordon lets out a long frustrated groan as he covers his face and counts down from thirty. “What I am trying to say is I’m still fucking lost as to why we are waiting for  _ Benrey _ to wake up!” Gordon did not watch his volume as carefully this time but thankfully there’s still no movement. 

“He’s our friend mister Freeman?” Tommy looks like a kicked puppy. 

Gordon sighs and quietly asks to go home.

XXXXXXXXX

Gordon really didn’t know why he went along to visit with the team, or any variations on their party members. Sometimes it was just him and Tommy, sometimes it was the Science team plus Darnold and Forzen. He told himself he was just keeping them company. 

He refused to speak while there though. He just really didn’t want to be the catalyst for yet another Black Mesa incident if Benrey decided that because he wasn’t dead to smash him like a fly. Benrey was still gargantuan, but there was a small amount of shrinking, not enough to matter in Gordon’s opinion. Gordon definitely didn’t want to be alone with Benrey. 

Which is why he greatly regretted coming today, a week after waking up himself. Tommy fucking ditched him, locking him in the room with Benrey which Gordon didn’t doubt Tommy would call an accident, to get some soda while Gordon figured out his next move in their chess match. He’d been too focused on thinking his move out to notice Tommy already passed through the door and call out to him about the soda as it slid shut. 

Gordon curled up tight in a dark corner by the door. 

“Great. Fucking great. Tommy what the  _ fuck _ .” He mumbled to himself, left hand tugging lightly on his pony tail, glad he chose not to cut it after everything because it was grounding in a way. “I have like,  _ explicitly _ stated so many times not to fucking leave me  _ alone _ with Benrey? And you fucking  _ lock me in? _ Is this because I don’t want to be friends with the being who tried to  _ kill _ me?” He doesn’t really pay attention to his volume and is far to deep in his rant and slight panic to notice the slightest twitch of a huge finger. 

Gordon gets up, starting to pace the room, trying not to get too close to Benrey, nerves shot as he keeps ranting to the air about Tommy ditching him. “Like  _ fuck _ man! I don’t know why I bother coming! I  _ knew _ this would happen eventually but like fuck!” He is far louder now, starting to get into the range of his more panicked shouts at Black Mesa. 

Another twitch, and the barest sliver of a glowing red eye, started to track Gordon’s movements after taking a long moment to focus. 

“We weren’t friends! He just bullied me for my passport Tommy! I mean yeah there were some decent jokes but I would say acquaintances at  _ best! _ ” Gordon gripped at his hair, pausing in his rant and pacing. “Benrey’s an asshole and us watching him, waiting for him to kill us is not healthy!” 

The eye looked down to the floor, slowly closing. 

“It’s not... So  _ why _ do I keep doing this to myself?” Gordon says, still louder than he would normally school himself to be. “Why do I keep letting them pull me here?” 

The red eye focuses back on Gordon again. A second eye, yellow glow now joining in watching the much smaller man.

“I don’t miss the passport shit, that was obnoxious.” Gordon huffs. “And I really can’t say anything favorable because of the hand shit, even if I did get it back... However Tommy’s dad did it... Not important Gordon  _ focus _ .” He rubs at the scar tissue. “Why? I mean... Tommy said Benrey wasn’t in control... A few times now. But like come on, that’s ridiculous.”

Red and yellow look away in hurt. 

“...But...  _ For the hypothetical _ ... If he wasn’t in control, then  _ why? _ Why to a whole bunch of shit?” Gordon growls to himself. Benrey behind him now opening more of his eyes, hand quietly moving toward Gordon. 

When Benrey’s finger and thumb delicately close around Gordon’s mid section, Gordon visibly stiffens and pales, trembling like a small child who just broke a cookie jar and is waiting for their parents to scold them. Benrey moves slowly, not having the energy still to shift from laying down yet, he hurt everywhere, adjusting his hand to gently wrap around Gordon’s form but keep him in place with his thumb. 

They stared at each other, silent besides Gordon’s panicked breathing getting quicker and quicker, brilliant green staring at yellow, red, and swirls and so many eyes finally open. Perceiving Gordon. 

The truest and purest form of the mortal terror of being known. 

Gordon blacked out.

XXXXXXXXX

Gordon was warm, comfortable even, face shifting to rub against something soft. A soft sigh escaping him as he adjusts under the gentle weight on him. He’d honestly been on edge for so long with knowing Benrey existed still that this was a welcome change, he felt safe, and was slowly being lulled to sleep again. 

Until he remembered what had happened, green eyes snapping open to find himself being held loosely by a massive hand, though still too much weight on him to properly wiggle free without waking the owner up again, a panicked glance had confirmed Benrey had fallen asleep again. 

So many eyes. 

Honestly Gordon had been on so much adrenaline and pain killers and panic that he’d tunnel visioned throughout most of Xen, especially when fighting Benrey, so he honestly didn’t recall what Benrey had looked like there beyond very big, some glowing eyes, and trying to kill him. 

But those eyes... It was dizzying to know which to look at, the two main eyes which made Benrey look human hadn’t actually opened, his panicked brain supplied. After he calmed slightly, trying to think a little clearer, he realized his only hope is either Dr. Coomer or Tommy rescuing him or Benrey shifting. The latter way less likely to happen since Benrey was out cold again. 

...Not unlike Gordon had been.

He shakes his head a bit and lays his head back down. Tommy better fucking save him from Benrey soon. 

He doesn’t know when he drifted off but he wakes up to something shifting, a little more pressure on his stomach, he blinks blearily at Benrey. Benrey’s face has contorted into a pained expression, something Gordon had never seen when they were trapped in Black Mesa, and were those... Yeah they are. Tears from a few eyes, some droplets in the corners others beginning to track down Benrey’s face, various colors but all matching the pools of liquid on Xen. 

Gordon is too stunned for a long moment before dad instinct takes over. His ex had been taking care of Joshua for a while, especially since he woke up since he wasn’t 100% okay, and probably won’t be okay for a while, but he’s getting better for Joshua and that’s what matters. 

He doesn’t know when he started humming and slowly stroking the thumb holding him down while he was lost in thought but it slowly seems to work, much to his own surprise given he wasn’t humming too loudly and his hand was tiny in comparison. Benrey’s expression evened out, a small sigh escaping from two different mouths and another elsewhere making a quiet noise of discomfort as Benrey shifted. 

The trill of terror his brain cried out with as Benrey rolled to face the other side of the room, effectively blocking Gordon from the exit unless he got free and scaled Benrey, made Gordon’s throat close but it was too late to stop the constricted noise of panic that escaped him. The red eye opened, much wider than when he last saw it and stared down at him, blinking before a few more eyes followed. The two main ones finally opening and Gordon feels the hair on the back of his neck stand up, really wishing they had stayed closed. 

“Gordo...?” Benrey voice is so quiet and tired and raspy, Gordon feels a little bad for waking him up, but his panic is overriding that quickly. 

“L-l-let me go.” He says slightly strangled from air all too quickly leaving his lung. 

“Whuh- what- what happened?” Benrey groans, his other hand coming up to claw slightly at his face. A cyan blue eye with a hideous pink iris around the black pupil stares at Gordon from the back of Benrey’s hand. 

“J-j-just let me go dude.” Gordon’s brain is short circuiting. He really is the catalyst for the worst shit huh? 

“Wh- Why you so tiny bro?” Benrey asks as his hand falls away from his face, Gordon not responding, he glances at the eye on the back of his hand. “I- you- We uh... Went to Xen huh...?” Benrey’s pained words break Gordon out of his stupor. 

“Yeah we- we did... We had um... A-a-a fight.” Gordon looks anywhere else but Benrey, willing himself to suddenly gain teleportation powers after the amount of strange sludge that he’d accidentally ingested. No such luck. 

“Oh...” 

It was so quiet. So broken. 

So sad. 

And Gordon didn’t know why he felt he had to fix it. He might just be a bleeding heart, too stupid to stop when something broke. But Gordon patted the thumb still on him. 

“I uh...” Benrey trails off, trying to gather thoughts that were still slipping from how exhausted he was, only one eye really focused on Gordon, “I uh... I’m- I didn’t want to- to be the big bad... Kinda- Kinda was forced to...” 

“How?” Gordon surprises himself and Benrey with the question. 

“Xen uh- Xen is kinda more than just- just a place Feetman.” Benrey hums. Gordon resists the urge to yell about the horrible nickname in favor of sating his desire to understand. Purely for science reasons of course. 

“It’s like alive. Like Frankenstein. Has thoughts. Moods. And I’m not really from there but- but it was too powerful. It wanted anything that wasn’t it’s out. Those dumb idiot scientist pissed it off... And Xen knew I was powerful, so it took me. And um... It’s fuzzy...” he rubs away a red tear he wished Gordon hadn’t seen. “Since I uh failed Xen, and um not from it... It musta spit me out...” He sighs, not looking forward to finding another home. He figured Tommy would probably be upset at least a little bit, but he kinda really fucked up his chances with Earth. 

He was surprised Gordon didn’t just blast him with the gun arm. The red and yellow eyes scan Gordon as the rest look anywhere else, finding both hands are back, some weird ring on Gordon’s arm around where the cut was. He sorta wished it wasn’t Gordon he woke up to, Tommy was easier to talk to, understood being alien and stuff. 

“Oh...” Gordon trails off deep in thought. It seems the scientist was out of panic mode and now in figure dumb shit out mode. It made Benrey feel at least a tiny bit better to not be yelled at. He shifted, adjusting his hold on Gordon slightly and bringing him closer to his face making Gordon yelp in surprise. 

“Um... Feetman...” Benrey was shit at this but he still needed to get this off his chest. The one real human Benrey knew, Coomer was mostly robot and Bubby a heavily modified pyrokinetic test tube experiment didn’t count in Benrey’s opinion, needed to understand him. So he had to try. “I um... I know I am a big suck... Massive cringe not good bro. Shoulda stayed dead and shit. Not good at that though bro. I uh- What I’m saying is ...Sorry...” he mumbles, sweet voice finally showing the flood of guilt and sadness, hues of navy blue, grey, and forest green start to fill the air accompanied by a somber note. 

Gordon was floored. Both from the apology and the light show.

“If- if anyone should be sorry it should be me.” Gordon says before really thinking about it, but it’s true, and he doesn’t want to take it back, and suddenly more words tumble out. “I should have listened, you were obviously not excited to go to Xen, and I just was so blinded by all the shit that had happened and you were there trying to stop us from going into some bad times. And- and if I had listened for a minute, not been a dumb ass maybe- maybe things would have been different.” Gordon’s green eyes stare down as he crosses his arms. 

“Heh... Sounds- sounds like we both fucked up bro...” Benrey gives a sad snort. 

“...Yeah...” Gordon snorts. “Uh... You um.” He pauses, Benrey just watching him as he gathers himself. “You wanna try again? I’m uh- I’m Gordon, Gordon Freeman. Human. Theoretical physicist.”

Benrey gives a huff of a laugh before a small smile creeps on the various mouths he has. “Benrey. Uh not human. Security guard?” Benrey says unsure of the last bit, he probably was not getting his job back. His thoughts are interrupted by a massive yawn overtaking him, fuck he was sleepy. 

“You um... You seem pretty out of it.” Gordon pipes up. 

“Yeah… Kinda- kinda tired.” he gives the slightest of nods before his eyes close, holding Gordon delicately but even closer to his body as he falls asleep again, curled up around Gordon, who will deny anyone saying that his cheeks were in anyway flushed. 

It’s quiet now. Just the quiet noise of Benrey’s way too slow breathing, the occasional orb of sweet voice leaving one of the many mouths Benrey had. 

“...Fuck I’m stuck here still.” Gordon groans, giving into his fate of being a tiny teddybear for Benrey. He’s so kicking Tommy’s ass whenever he gets back. Though with how much time has passed, it’s probably not going to be until tomorrow at this point. 

Gordon lies back, watching the sweet voice in all sorts of calming colors drift upward, at least it was comfy in Benrey’s hand.

* * *

Tommy grinned widely from the small observation room, he and the others had been talking it over for the last week and trying to get Gordon alone with Benrey had been a fucking chore. “I’m so glad that worked!”

“Fucking finally. Now Gordon will stop being a big baby about Benrey.” Bubby rolls his eyes. 

“Ah young love!” Coomer chuckles. 

The three watched for a while longer, grins and smirks wide as Gordon eventually falls asleep in Benrey’s hand. 

“We’re ditching him there for the whole day right?” Bubby asks. 

“Yup! Someone’s delivering some food now and some other things.” Tommy grins. 

“Good.” Bubby snorts. “Let’s go rob a bank or something.”

“That sounds lovely!” Coomer smiles as if it was just the suggestion of walking through a park. 

“As- as long as we take Benrey and mister Freeman on the- the next one.” Tommy nods as they leave the room. They’ll get Gordon tomorrow. Probably. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweet voice shenanigans time ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had been debating another chapter for this one and like... Bam... Buuuut it got real long lol, so expect a third one in the future y’all. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The Science Team visits frequently, telling Benrey who’s starting to stay awake a lot longer now about their days and what’s going on out in the world. Making plans about places they want to take him in the future as well. Tommy always comes up with at least five new places to go each time he stops by making Benrey laugh softly. He’s still far too big to leave the facility, he’s not healed all the way yet, even though it’s been about two months since he woke up. They did a lot of damage in the Xen battle, something everyone’s apologized for since then, but his ability to shift his body and make himself more normal sized had not come back yet. It’s frustrating but Benrey’s glad for the company, and occasional sleepover they all have had over the last couple weeks. 

Benrey doesn’t mind though since Gordon visits more often now that he and Benrey have been able to talk to each other, even coming alone without the rest of the Science Team, which makes Benrey release sunny yellow sweet voice out of happiness each time he does. Gordon always shakes his head but the tiny smile that crosses his lips makes it worth it for Benrey to show how happy he is to see him. 

Today’s one of those Gordon only days which makes the happy yellow bubble up. It’s been about a week since he’s seen Gordon last, he’d been a little worried something happened. But seeing the man in his orange hoodie made him smile brightly, with a few more mouths than he probably should have used for Gordon’s comfort level but Gordon’s been a little more okay with his more eldritch tendencies lately. And the sunny smile that Gordon gives him as the large metal doors unlock and let Gordon through makes Benrey’s heart flutter.

“Hey, Benrey.” Gordon chuckles, watching the yellow orbs rise to the ceiling. “Sorry it’s been a while, it was the first week I could watch Joshua.” Gordon rubs the back of his head, stepping into Benrey’s open waiting hand, much more comfortable with Benrey picking him up. 

“Hey, it’s chill bro. Tiny cowboy needed some dad time, huh?” Benrey gives a chuckle, gently curling his fingers and pulling Gordon up to sit on his chest. 

“Yeah, and his dad needed tiny cowboy time too.” Gordon snorts, smiling softly. “I think he’d like you.” 

“Whuh?” Benrey blinks a few eyes, a light blue blush creeping over his cheeks. “Nah, nah I’m too spooky…” 

“Not right now you dork.” Gordon laughs, laying down on Benrey’s chest. “When you get better.” 

“I dunno… It’s been a month and a bit and I still haven’t felt powerful enough…” Benrey sighs, a few sad blues and grays leaving his lips. 

“I’m sure it’s going to be soon. You’ve not been sleeping as often when I’m here.” Gordon snickers, resting his head on his arms with a dorky smirk on his face, Benrey’s heart flutters again, a few eyes with slit pupils start widening as he watches Gordon. 

“Well I gotta stay awake if it’s you, Feetman.” Benrey smirks back, resting a hand on Gordon’s back getting a small scowl at the terrible nickname. “Don’t see you alone too often you know.” Now Gordon’s cheeks are flushed lightly and that just makes Benrey want to fluster Gordon more. “It’s great to have everyone visit, but I like your visits the most.” Benrey grins as Gordon’s face gets a bit more red. 

“Sh- shut up. Tommy would be hurt to hear that.” Gordon stutters, trying to deflect, pushing at Benrey’s hand with no effect but Benrey does move his hand. 

“Nah, Tommy’s a bro.” Benrey chuckles, shaking Gordon slightly making him grip at Benrey’s uniform. 

“Yeah you two are besties.” Gordon raises an eyebrow. 

“Can have more than one bestie, Feetman.” 

“Yes, you can and stop calling me Feetman, dude.” Gordon rolls his eyes and rolls onto his back. 

“Yeah and we are besties, right?” Benrey asks. 

“Yeah?” Gordon pokes the tip of his tongue out in thought before nodding, and gosh he’s cute, Benrey swallows down some of that strawberry cream flavored pink to blue sweet voice because Gordon did not need to know about that, “Yeah we’re besties. If you wanna be?” 

“Of course I do.” Benrey says immediately, letting loose some pink to blue sweet voice which makes him clamp his hands over his mouth. 

“…Wanna share with the class what that means?” Gordon smirks, looking at him upside down. 

“Classified, don’t have- don’t have your passport.” Benrey looks away, trying to keep more from floating up. 

“Boo. Tell me! I want to know what all these colors mean, Tommy only tells me some of them.” Gordon crosses his arms in a pout. And shit more pink and blue is in the air. 

“Uh… Professor Benrey is not available today, try tomorrow.” Benrey’s cheeks are blue, trying not to look at Gordon but it’s really hard because the way he’s lying on him is adorable. 

“…I will then. Professor Benrey better be in then.” Gordon grins widely. “I want a private lesson.” Benrey feels his cheeks get to a darker shade of blue making Gordon laugh. It’s an accident that the pink to blue sweet voice comes out again, and even more so that it pops on Gordon, only two manage to hit but they were big and Benrey is now very concerned. Benrey sweeps up Gordon and brushes the pink off of Gordon as much as he can. 

“Shit, I didn’t mean to get ya, you okay bro?” Benrey watches as the color changing sweet voice melts into Gordon’s skin, eyes taking on a pink color over their normal green, making him panic more. 

“Hmm? I feel fine man, why are you freaking out?” Gordon smiles lazily, leaning on Benrey’s fingers. 

“You uh, you took a lot of that sweet voice bro…” Benrey frowns, still worried about Gordon so he moves to set Gordon down but gets a whine in protest. 

“Yeah? I feel fine Benben, come on don’t put me down.” Gordon complains at him. 

“Wh- what’d you call me?” Benrey halts, movement aborted, holding Gordon in his open palm just above the floor. 

“Benben? Isn’t it cute?” Gordon smiles giddily at him, “Come on! I was comfy!” Benrey’s cheeks are dark blue, but he complies, pulling Gordon back up to his chest. As soon as Gordon hops off his hand he settles back happily where he was before, lying on his stomach and kicking his legs lightly. “Your eyes are really pretty Benben.” Gordon smiles dopily. 

“You really took that sweet voice hard bro…” Benrey mumbles. “Sorry…” 

“Why are you sorry? It’s nice. I feel super happy right now.” Gordon giggles. “Nothing bad at all.” 

“Yeah but-“

“Benny shhhhhhhh.” Gordon pouts, “I’m fiiiiinnne stop being a worrywart.” He sticks his tongue out and Benrey can’t help more pink to blue sweet voice leaking out of his mouths, Gordon is just too freaking cute right now. Benrey can’t take advantage of this, no matter how cute it is. Gordon’s going to kill him (again) when the sweet voice wears off. 

“…’Kay… Bro what about a nap? Nap for Gordo and Benrey?” Benrey tries to get Gordon to agree to nap time. Sleep is better than the sweet voice high that Gordon’s on. 

“Noooo I don’t want to, you’re awake right now. Not tired. I came to see you, can’t do that if my eyes are closed.” Gordon giggles happily on Benrey’s chest. “Come on Benben, please? I wanna be with you! That’s why I came today! I was lonely without Joshie since he had to go back to his Mom’s.” He starts tracing a circle on Benrey’s uniform with a finger. “And I’m not lonely when I come visit you…” Benrey’s pretty sure his brain just broke. 

“Uh… Bro… That’s kinda gay.” Benrey blurts out, immediately wincing at his own words. Super smooth, 0/10, Gordon’s going to hate him after this is over. 

“Hah, I’m Bi but thanks.” Gordon laughs as Benrey’s blush grows darker again. That was certainly new information. 

“O-okay, but you’ll not be lonely if you nap with me?” Benrey tries again, hoping Gordon will agree to a nap in vain. 

“Benben come on... Are you actually tired though?” Gordon asks sincerely, and oh no the way Gordon’s looking at him makes Benrey internally wince, he can’t lie...

“No... But you got a lotta sweet voice on you bro. And you- you should sleep it off ‘kay?” That earns him a bigger pout from Gordon.

“I’m fine! Honestly! I feel great. Besides I wanna talk with you.” Gordon rests his head on his arms, “I like talking with you.” There’s that dopey smile on his face again as Benrey tries to keep his feelings in check so not to hit Gordon with any more sweet voice. “Oh I can’t believe I forgot to ask this earlier!” Gordon suddenly pipes up, waving to get Benrey’s attention, not that he really needed to, pretty much every eye was on Gordon already. “I was gonna ask if you wanted to live with me after you get better! We can be roommates!” Gordon smiles as he swings his feet behind him. 

Benrey’s slow breathing hitches for a moment as his brain processes what Gordon just proposed. 

“Benben? You okay?” Gordon asks tilting his head with a small worried expression. 

“Bro uh. Wow. Okay. Um. Sweet Voice must have really, really got to you, shit.” Benrey rambles as he runs a hand down his face, “Look uh. If- if you really want to ask how about after the sweet voice is done? Make sure you’re serious bro.”

“I am serious! I gave it a lot of thought over the last week!” Gordon sits up with a pout, stupid Feetman and his cute pout and shit more sweet voice, at least it’s not from his main mouth. “Joshie can’t stay all the time since he splits his time between his Mom’s and my place. And you’ll need somewhere to live once you're better! I want you to stay with me.” 

“Bro-“

Gordon stands and walks over to Benrey’s face and spreads his arms out to hug him as best he can, “I’m serious Benrey. If you don’t want to I’ll understand, but please think about it?”

“...Fine... I’ll think about it...” Benrey mumbles, trying not to jostle Gordon, but also entirely overwhelmed with this conversation and what Gordon’s doing. Gordon accepts the answer, given the nod against Benrey’s skin which rubs Gordon’s hair against him.

Benrey’s form suddenly lurches and he loses about a quarter of his current size, still huge, but more of a two story house size than small building, hands immediately protecting Gordon from falling off. He’d slowly been losing height but this was a big shift and it startled both himself and Gordon out of their previous thoughts. 

“Whoa, that’s the biggest change yet.” Gordon says once It seems Benrey isn’t going to shift again. “Wonder what caused it?”

“Dunno? But now you’re at least doll sized for me.” Benrey chuckles, pulling Gordon away from his face and into his hands.

“A big improvement! Or would it be a small one? Given you’re going for smaller?” Gordon asks with a smirk. 

“Uh just improvement.” Benrey shrugs, absentmindedly fiddling with Gordon’s hair. Gordon blushes but doesn’t seem to mind or is at least not saying anything for now. 

“Well, I’m glad… Means you might be out of here sooner… Can’t be comfortable being stuck here…” Gordon hums, leaning into Benrey’s touch. 

“It’s not… better with all of you visiting though.” Benrey hums in thought, letting loose some random sweet voice as he thinks. “Looking forward to your human pillows and stuff.”

“I’m sure, better than the concrete here.” Gordon gives a small chuckle, “I’ll make sure to get you a good blanket and pillow, soft and stuff.” Gordon smiles, eyes shut as he thinks about it. “And some hoodies and stuff, no need to wear that guard uniform since we aren’t going back to Black Mesa.” Gordon snorts. 

“Yo a hoodie would be sweet.” Benrey grins. 

“More than one hoodie!” Gordon laughs. “God you’re gonna have a field day with things like PlayStation merch.” 

“Absolutely bro, gotta get my sweet merch to show off my epic gamer skills.” Benrey chuckles gently, moving his hand to wrap around Gordon instead and starts petting Gordon with a different hand. 

“I thought playing the games shows off your gamer skills.” Gordon laughs, leaning into the hand cupped around him. “More reasons for you to get better since I went out and got a PS3 and a Switch.” He grins. 

“Oh bro we are gonna play so much multiplayer.” Benrey grins excitedly, sunny yellow sweet voice bubbling up as he gets excited that Gordon even went out of his way to go get the game systems. He didn’t think Gordon cared about his random tangents about video games when they were in Black Mesa. Maybe Gordon did care about him enough to want him to live with him? That- that would be really nice. 

“Benrey? Earth to Benrey come in?” Gordon snorts, tapping at Benrey’s hand which had frozen on Gordon’s head. 

“Huh? Oh sorry, thinkin’ about things.” Benrey startles slightly. “That’s gonna be sweet though, bro.” He grins. 

“Yup, I already cleaned up the spare room I had too. Ready whenever you are.” Gordon smiles warmly, green starting to come back into his eyes, not that Benrey notices it as they keep talking about the possibility of Benrey living with Gordon after he’s back to human size. The soft glow of the yellow sweet voice in the room makes Gordon’s freckles pop against his skin and Benrey can’t help more pink to blue filling the space instead. 

Eventually Gordon has to leave, both taking a long time to actually say goodbye to each other, but Gordon promises he’ll be back tomorrow. Benrey can’t wait for him to show up again. Even though there’s still some lingering doubts Gordon actually wanted Benrey to live with him… It’s nice to think about anyway though.

* * *

When Gordon got home he immediately went to his room to flop face down on the bed and groan loudly. God that sweet voice fucked him up bad. While everything he had said about Benrey moving in with him and the hoodies and game consoles was true, his face and ears had turned bright red over the rest of the conversation with Benrey. Benrey had apologized for the sweet voice so that wasn’t really the problem with it…

It really was that Gordon just hadn’t meant to say anything about being lonely or about Benrey’s eyes being pretty (which they were Gordon was just never going to admit that out loud to the eldritch being in case he was teased horribly) and certainly he hadn’t wanted to sound like a whiny puppy that needed attention when Benrey tried to set him down or make him nap. He should have taken the nap option. He really should have.

Or the horrendous nickname. Such a bad nickname ‘Benben’? Seriously, Gordon? He would like to smack his past self upside the head. Hard. With a crowbar. 

He rolled over running his hands down his face before staring at the ceiling. Thinking about the pink sweet voice and the giddy feeling it had washed over him. Gordon’s face grew redder. 

“Fuck I was acting like a school girl before the sweet voice even hit me. Fuck.” Gordon groans. “Laying on top of him like that? I mean since we got on better terms I guess I’ve done that a few times but like fuck.” He pulls off his glasses to throw his arm over his eyes. “Gordon what the fuck.” He mutters to himself before deciding to push dinner off, he needed a nap after that little realization (who is he kidding it’s pretty damn big). 

About half an hour later Gordon goes and makes some dinner, eating his meal as he thinks over things, his cheeks permanently rosy since coming home it seems. He’s less embarrassed by it now after his nap but it’s still… A lot to take in that while the thoughts behind his actions were the truth it was something he hadn’t really been ready to share with Benrey yet. And partnered with his own conflicting feelings about how ready he was for Benrey to be a part of his home life, since while both of them had done shit and were trying to start over, it’s still hard with the nightmares that plague him and Benrey. 

He’d taken enough naps with Benrey to know how to wake him up gently and Benrey knowing the same for him. They tried to be honest about them, work through the more difficult topics, it was important they both at least tried to get the feelings off their chests about the entirety of the Resonance Cascade. It was certainly much easier whenever their dreams were about the other members of the Science Team or it’s extensions. Easier to talk about than the nightmares about Xen or Gordon’s arm, especially when the phantom pains would hit Gordon. 

But even with the rocky past… Gordon now couldn’t see himself not being around Benrey. 

Something about the way Benrey was extra gentle when he held Gordon. Benrey making sure that Gordon didn’t fall off of his chest when they were caught up in a laughing fit. The smile and warm yellow sweet voice Gordon got every time he came alone to visit Benrey. His heart flutters as he blushes. 

It’s like… It’s like Gordon finally found that best friend in the school yard. The one that would rag on you and tease you but you knew that they’d do anything to help you if you were having a rough time and you’d do the same for them. Gordon winces at the line of thought, that feeling brought some really old memories up. The last time he felt he had a friend like that was back when he was all of seven. For one crazy summer they had been nearly inseparable, sleepovers almost every night, running around in the woods, splashing around in the creek… Frustratingly all Gordon can really remember is their name and the fact they had some rather wildly unkempt black hair. 

“…I wonder how Ben is doing… I wish we’d managed to trade phone numbers before he disappeared… I was sure I’d see him the first day of school that year…” Gordon sighs, “Hindsight’s twenty-twenty, even though my prescription certainly says otherwise.” He snorts at himself, mulling things over before sighing and putting away the leftovers. He fiddled on the Switch for a while, messing around with Animal Crossing since it was relaxing to listen to the ocean waves and soft music on the island he’d been building, trying to relax for the evening before heading to bed. 

Tomorrow was going to be interesting...

He had thrown on the same hoodie that morning, vaguely interested that it still smelled of strawberries and cream when he picked it up. It’s a nice scent though, so he doesn’t mind that when he shifts a fresh waft of it comes off of him. Better shove that thought down as far as it will go so he doesn’t blurt that out at random… 

Eventually he gets into his car and heads to the facility that Benrey is staying in. Gordon was minorly disappointed that the rest of the Science Team had shown up apparently a few hours earlier than he did to visit Benrey, but he kept his expression neutral, trying not to let anything slip. Besides he could stay longer, nothing pressing to do at home, and he can always grab some McDonald’s or something, not his fav meal but it’s just today. Besides while chaotic it was nice to have everyone in the same room to talk and hang out. 

Even if he wanted to lay on Benrey’s chest and talk to him alone for a while. 

Shit, he needs to stop these thoughts before he draws attention to himself. He shakes his head, trying to keep himself from blushing, but catching Tommy’s attention and getting a confused look but nothing comes of it to Gordon’s relief. He manages to keep himself calm and focus back in on the conversations that are happening around him. It’s nice just listening to everyone for a while instead of talking heavily, enjoying catching up with Dr. Coomer and Bubby and their misadventures post Black Mesa. 

Time passes quickly and slowly at the same time, Gordon’s happy everyone is enjoying themselves but he really wanted to talk to Benrey alone, and it’s looking like that’s going to be impossible today at least. Especially when Tommy suggests a sleepover. Gordon won’t admit to pouting ever so briefly at Tommy’s suggestion being immediately agreed upon. Gordon goes along with it, setting up with the group, maybe tomorrow he’ll be able to stay late and chat.

It turns out he doesn’t get a chance to talk with Benrey alone the next day, or the day after that, or for the rest of the week. It seems that the entire extended Science Team has decided to constantly be visiting Benrey at any given time. Gordon’s been trying to get his chance alone with Benrey for two weeks solid.

He ends up nearly missing the fact he has Joshua for the next two weeks before his ex messages him asking what time he’s picking Joshua up on Monday. Thank god it was Friday. He apologizes to the Science Team for having to depart early that evening, glancing at Benrey who keeps an apathetic look on his face at the situation, before heading out to go take care of shopping and chores over the weekend before picking Joshua up. 

* * *

As soon as Gordon had left Tommy whirled around to face Benrey, a bit of a mischievous glint in his eyes. Benrey squints at him, wondering what Tommy is excited about. A little nervous since Tommy is usually the most rational of them all, followed by Darnold. Gordon was a solid third place since he had some true dumb ass moments every so often.

“Uh... What’s up bro?” Benrey fidgets with his fingers, trying to not look like he’s suspicious of Tommy. 

“Soooo… You ever tell Mister Fr- Freeman what pink means?” Tommy’s question immediately makes Benrey tense up and stare at him with all of his eyes, mouths slightly agape. 

“Wh- what are you talking about bro? I’ve never done pink. Dunno what you’re talking about.” Play it cool Benrey, they can’t know about that, that was private Gordon time. 

“Then why did Gordon smell like strawberries and cream two weeks ago?” Tommy’s grin grows wider as Benrey’s blue cheeks give him away. 

“Dude what? I dunno. What’re you asking me for? Probably bought a new shampoo or something.” Benrey mumbles. 

“You’re a terrible liar you know that right?” Bubby snorts. 

“Bros, shut up.” 

“Does he know though?” Dr. Coomer smiles innocently. 

“…No. Now shut up bros.” Benrey groans into a pair of hands, not catching the smirks of the Science Team below him. 

“That orange hoodie of his still smells like strawberries and cream, I don’t think he’s washed it.” Darnold chuckles. 

“Oh my Xen. Bros. For realsies. Shut up.” Benrey grumps and rolls away from them. 

“There’s noth-nothing to be ashamed of Benrey!” Tommy does his best not to laugh at the eldritch being they are currently teasing. “I think M-mister Freeman likes you too!” 

“As a friend, bro.” Benrey says, exasperated that they aren’t letting up, facing them and staring down with his many eyes in a vaguely angry way to try and get them to stop. “And that’s fine. Poggers. Don’t wanna change that at all. So don’t tell Feetman.” He growls. 

“We won’t, but you should.” Bubby snips at him. “Better than pining like a hopeless idiot.” 

“Bubby.” Benrey growls, showing off a bit more teeth in each of his mouths, “Stop.” 

“Fine.” Bubby waves his hand and walks out of the room. 

“It’s true though!” Dr. Coomer smiles, “Better to say these kinds of things out loud to communicate better in the long run.” He takes his leave to follow after Bubby. 

“Just- just think about it Benrey?” Tommy smiles, taking his leave as well, Darnold and Forzen trailing after him, leaving Benrey alone with his thoughts. 

Jerks.


End file.
